Assistants to members of the European parliament have undergone a new training course this month in Brussels. The training is designed to provide them with the special skills needed to follow their MEP around the parliament.
Stig Updabum, the training instructor of these courses, told the Waffle that assistants have been learning to strut the corridors of parliament in time with their MEP. ‘This gives the illusion of importance and enables them to travel more quickly’ he said. However he added that ‘on Fridays strutting is frowned upon and a more leisurely, relaxed pace is encouraged’.
Alongside strutting, assistants have also undergone courses in applied make-up, dressing up, coffee-time flirting and in looking busy. Stig told the Waffle that ‘if an assistant does not look attractive nor spend enough time in the parliament coffee bar, they will simply not be taken seriously’.
Jana Turnmeova, a new Czech assistant, told the Waffle that she was ‘enjoying dressing up’ for her MEP and that the courses had taught her how to use her assets ‘more effectively’.
She is now planning to take part in one of Stig’s new advanced courses. ‘These are designed to teach assistants the unique skills that their MEPs have mastered over many years’ he told the Waffle. Assistants will learn to speak at length without saying anything meaningful, to remain awake in committees and to speak English with a peculiar Dutch accent regardless of their nationality.
´My ultimate goal is to make the corridors and coffee bars of Brussels more dynamic and more attractive places´ says Stig. ´Unattractive and unimportant people do nothing for the Parliament´s image´.
