Every EU citizen must have a personal sunbed and use it at least three-times a week in the winter months, increasing to five for those living in Nordic countries, the European Commission ordered today (15 February).
The move comes as the Commission admits to being increasingly embarrassed about the ghostly-white state of European skin at this time of year.
“Tanning is something we at the Commission take very seriously: our citizens travel everywhere in the world and there is no way a European should be seen with a pasty chest sprawled out on the beaches of Australia or the Caribbean as they take their winter breaks”, Commission spokesperson for Image and Vanity, Doz Mibumlukbigindis, said.
Mibumlukbigindis said the idea was sparked by reports from Central and Latin America and southern Asia that locals were “literally blinded” by the paleness of some European chests, legs and arms. “We’ve seen people hospitalised after simply glimpsing a winter-skinned European,” she said. “Apparently, some people are even confusing Europeans who have developped t-shirt, short and sandal tanlines with mutilated corpses back from the dead,” she added.
Free sunbeds will be available at the Schuman roundabout from next Monday and a mass shipment is currently on its way to Finland, Sweden and Denmark.
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